Thoughts on Theory

 

This week for class we delved into theories and how they connect to our families. I admit I was standoff-ish at the thought, that families can be looked at so, scientifically. I didn’t think Family and Theory could be so, largely connected. I admit, my understanding of what a theory means as improved this week. After all I am seeking to be proficient in family and marriage life. grasping a new understanding of these family phenomena was eye opening and as I share a few things I hope they will be eye opening to you too.

            There are so, many families out there and each family varies from the next. What would be the purpose to study something so variable? As I have learned this week its worth the time to find the ways each family is similar. Out of the difference, we find patterns that could help find explanations to why families do what they do. Of course, theories aren’t facts or concrete truth. Yet, they are important for providing insight to how things may work.

            I’ll share about two different experiences with two different theories. Each will show how theory can provide insight to the everyday things we come across. I’ll begin by sharing something I been through with my wife. My wife and I bought plain tickets several months back. However, circumstances made it so that we had to call the airline and cancel our trip. So, she’s on the phone and she gets put on hold. a few minutes pass when out of nowhere my wife says “grr, I hate that crease in my carpet”. I remain silent. Another minute passes and my she makes another complaint. “Brian, you need to put the cereal away.” It being on the living floor, I thought, I guess she’s right. I set the cereal on the kitchen table. But knowing my wife I decide to put it where it actually belongs. My wife looking up laughing says, “I was going to tell you to move it”. Wondering why would she care about all this stuff when a little bit ago she couldn’t less. Then it hit me. When my wife is stressed or anxious, she nitpicks. Looking at this situation with symbolic theory in mind. This theory would try to spot the pattern in my wife’s interaction with me.  The speculation in her pattern in being nitpicky is connected to her feeling stressed. Since then, it has been a spot-on explanation and has been a helpful tool in meeting an unmet need for my spouse.

            I enjoyed learning about this next theory. Systems theory gave an interesting insight on my family I grew up with. Systems looks at the rules and roles or parts family members play. Collectively, each one of my siblings play an important part in my family unit. My older brother Chris, he is the joke, older sister Jill takes the role as the gather, my brother Michael is the moral keeper, my twin brother would be the disturber, I saw myself as a comforter, and my little sister I couldn’t think of her role, but she does a great job doing her part. I thought this was interesting because in some unspoken way this explains to me of how and why my relationship is the way that it is with each of my siblings. Now, you may not have as big as a family as I do. these roles may not be needful for a family unit. Maybe, someone in your family plays many roles. the other side to this theory is the unspoken rules that a family has. The funny thing about this is you don’t know about the unspoken family rules until you break them.

            Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the little bit I learned and hopeful you were able to pull something on with what I, talked about. my blogging could only get better.